A Christmas Cracker
by Nessie717
Summary: Sometimes, with the help of Hogwarts Christmas Punch, a party can go wrong for Hermione Granger. With a christmas cracker and Ernie's..er...help, she is completely confused. Well, Malfoy tends to do that to a person, especially on Christmas.


Hello!! I haven't died, see? Well, christmas carols got me thinking, so I...

I tried to make everyone true to their original characters, but they're still a bit OOC. If there are any spelling mistakes, please tell me. I want to correct them!!

Disclaimer: JKR is the queen of the Potter Universe. We are peasants. I own nothing except Salazini and Clebbony.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

**A Christmas Cracker**

"No."

"Please?"

"Come on, Hermione."

"My answer is still no." Hermione Granger said, as she sat by the Gryffindor fire place. She was sitting in typical Hermione fashion, completely comfortable with a large book in hand.

"The Christmas Party isn't that bad.." Ron Weasley said, sitting beside her.

"Oh? I'm afraid after last year, I don't believe you anymore, Ronald." Hermione said, glaring.

"What? What happened last year?" Ron said eagerly, leaning forward in his seat. "I forgot."

"Come off it, Ron. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Actually, Hermione, He doesn't." Harry Potter said, side-stepping Ron's feet, and sitting down in an armchair. "He was-"

"Oh, yes! Chatting up that Weird Sister last year."

Ron's ears turned red.

"I was NOT-"

Harry and Hermione laughed.

"That's right. I'd forgotten." Hermione said.

"Too much butterbeer, I reckon." Harry said, grinning.

Ron dropped his head into his hands, ears bright red.

"It was spiked, I swear." He said, muffled.

"Well, to refresh your memory, Ronald, Dumbledore invited the Bulgarians last year. I had to fend off Viktor all night, and he still..." Hermione explained, cheeks turning pink.

"Hermione, it's highly unlikely that Dumbledore will invite the Bulgarians again this year." Harry said, grinning again. "Krum'll have to find someone else to follow around like a lost cat this year."

Ron's head shot up.

"I heard it's the Irish this year. That'd be bloody amazing, with their new seeker and all."

"I know," Harry said, leaning forward in his chair. "He's supposed to be the best in the league this year. They supposedly got him from Durmstrang. Some kind of quidditch protege, or something."

Hermione rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.

Harry glanced at her, smiling guiltily.

"Anyway...Hermione, you have to come."

"It wouldn't be the same without you."

"No one to scold the younger prefects.."

"Or outsmart Dumbledore's friends.."

"Or keep an eye on Ron, so he doesn't leave with Cassandra Weird..."

Harry and Hermione laughed again. Ron looked at his shoes, blushing a little.

"Merlin, it was one time..."

Hermione smiled, closing her book.

"A few hours, tops." Harry said grinning, getting up from his seat.

"Fine." Hermione said, sighing. "Give me a minute, okay?"

She rose from her chair, groaning a little and headed for the girls's staircase.

Hermione stopped for a second, when she heard a "Yes!" behind her.

"A few hours, Tops." She said, turning her head , and looking at the perpetrators behind her.

Smiling to herself, she thought, Now, what to wear..., and walked up the stairs.

She reached for her trunk, and pulled out a fresh pair of robes and slipped it over her day clothes. Walking over to the bathroom, she washed her face and quickly brushed her teeth. Half glaring at her reflection, Hermione plucked at her hair.

I'm such a pushover, she thought. Why can't I ever just say 'no' to those boys?

She frowned at her hair, and simply left it as it was. No one would mind.

She glanced at the clock on the wall and swore. Hermione hopped around, pulling off her trainers and slipping into more sensible loafers. No one would really be watching her feet, would they?

She raced out the door, almost tripping on Lavender's lipstick on her way out. I'll have to remember to tell her where that is, she thought, briskly walking down the steps.

Ron and Harry were waiting for her by the portrait hole.

"Ready?"Harry said, grinning.

"Took a long time for someone who didn't want to go.." Ron mumbled under his breath.

Harry raised his eyebrows at Ron and watched Hermione as she scowled at him. She climbed out and looked behind her once she was on the other side.

"You better watch yourself tonight, Ronald, someone might just slip something into your pumpkin juice tonight..."

Ron choked on something as he made his way through.

"What???"

Harry sniggered as he himself climbed out the portrait hole, and shut it behind him.

"I'm just saying." Hermione said in a light voice. "Wouldn't want you to mistake Snape for a Weird Sister..."

Ron gawked at her as she walked away, his face looked disgusted.

Harry simply laughed, and strolled down the corridor after Hermione, leaving Ron behind.

"Hey, Wait up!" Ron said, running up to them. "You, uh, don't _really_ mean that, do you, 'Mione?"

Hermione simply grinned and looked forward.

"Have a good time at the party, dears." The Fat Lady called behind them, sleepily.

The trio made their way down towards the dungeons. The party was in full swing, for they could hear it all the way up in the Great Hall.

"I wonder if Malfoy'll grace us will his presence." Ron said, sarcastically.

Harry snorted. "Doubt it."

"I wouldn't be so sure." Hermione said. "He was there last year, lurking in the corner."

They made it to the door, hearing the mass crowd inside conversing with one another.

Hermione grimaced. "Maybe..."

Ron grabbed her shoulders and pushed her towards the door.

"Come on, Hermione." Harry grinned. "You've gotten this far.."

"Well, I-" Hermione said, stumbling into the door. Glancing up at it, and sighing.

"Too late." Ron said, leaning over her shoulder and grasping the door handle.

Hermione gasped. "Ronald-"

The door swung open, and she almost fell over the doorway.

"Sorry, 'Mione." He said, grinning.

They all looked at the scene before them and gasped. The room was covered head to toe in red and green, with pieces of holly attached to the walls. There was a huge christmas tree in the center of the room, decorated with golden ornaments that twinkled every so often on their own, reminding Hermione of Dumbledore's eyes. The star on top glittered brightly, and reflected onto the ceiling. On the right side of the room, there was a platform on which a group of women stood, singing and playing their instruments. A shining sign above them said, 'The Charms'. The room was filled with people, talking and laughing. She could see the professors scattered everywhere. Professor Dumbledore was greeting people as they came into the door, currently chuckling with a gangly wizard. Professor McGonagall to the left, deep in conversation with an odd looking short man. Professor Sprout laughing with a stoat witch as they poked at the tree. Professor Snape scowling at everyone by the refreshments. Some of the Prefects were there as well, Ernie McMillan was talking eagerly with a tall, blonde witch who seemed to glance up desperately every once in a while. Pansy Parkinson was flirting, or so it seemed, with a muscular wizard dressed in a green uniform up by the band.

"Well..." Ron said, indicating that they move forward. " I guess we better.."

"RON!" Hermione said, stopping him, in horror.

"What?" He said, irritated. "I was just going to-"

Hermione pointed upward.

"Mistletoe."

Ron paled.

"You go first."

"Thank You." She said, grinning, and stepping over the doorstep.

Dumbledore looked over and smiled at them as they walked forward.

"Good Evening, Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley." He said, nodding at them.

"Good Evening, Professor." Harry said.

"Good Evening." Hermione said, smiling.

" 'Ello, Professor." Ron said, looking at his shoes.

"Please, come in, and get something to eat and drink." Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. "The punch is excellent this year, and we came across some very interesting Christmas crackers."

"We will, thank you." Harry said, grinning.

They walked past Dumbledore, towards the refreshments.

"Fat chance I'm touching those crackers." Ron mumbled as he grabbed a glass of punch.

"Fat chance I'm touching that punch." Hermione said, raising her eyebrows at Ron as he began drinking it.

"Come on, Hermione." Harry said. "Live a little."

She sighed, and picked up a glass. Hermione tasted it delicately. It tasted strongly of cranberries and...and...what was that? It tasted oddly familiar. She drank a little more.

"That's it." Harry said, amused, as he drank from his own glass.

Ron downed the remains of his glass and grabbed another, then suddenly stopped.

"Harry, it's the Irish!" He said, staring at something towards the right side of the room.

Harry too, began staring at a group of large men and women dressed in green uniforms up by the band.

"Merlin, they're so much bigger in person." He said, watching with interest as he sipped from his glass.

"Want to go-"

"Yeah."

Ron started towards them to get a better view. Harry looked towards Hermione guiltily.

"Go ahead." She said, smiling. "I'll be around."

Harry grinned widely.

"Thanks, 'Mione. You're the greatest."

He picked up another glass from the table.

"Catch up with you in a bit, okay?"

"Of course." She said. "Get going, already."

He smiled one last time before jogging to catch up with Ron.

Hermione sighed. And then there was one, she thought, downing the contents of her own glass. There's got to be someone here for me to talk to, Hermione thought, picking up another glass of her own. She walked slowly towards a seated area in the one corner. Large, red armchairs were assembled around a small table. There were several witches speaking loudly amongst themselves. Maybe she could talk with some of them.

"What Celestina is doing with that wretched-"

"Did you hear about that new cleaning spell they had featured in Witch Weekly? It's fantastic!"

Maybe not.

Hermione sat down in one of the chairs, eyeing the stack of volumes piled neatly in the center of the table.

"Well, hello." She said to herself, shifting through them until she found an unusually thick book titled 'Blood War: The Vampire Revolt of 1912'.

How interesting, Hermione thought, as she paged through it.

Maybe there was hope for this party after all.

"I didn't know it was so harsh for vampires back in that time." Hermione said, genuinely interested. " I always thought that the Vampire Codes were obeyed on both sides. I did not know that it was taken for granted on the wizarding side, rather than on the other. You understand what I mean, Mr. uh, Salazini?"

"Of course, yes." The pale man said, staring at her neck openly. "If I could just-"

"I mean, It was understood, in the Codes, that your kind could not be used for hostile purposes. I had no idea that several wizarding families used vampires, like yourself, for slavery!" Hermione fumed. "That's downright barbaric!"

"It is, it is..." Mr. Salazini said, stepping forward slightly. "You have such smooth skin, Miss-"

"Ah! Romear, there you are." A thin witch said, gripping Salazini's arm firmly with her right hand. "I've been looking all over for you."

The witch looked at Hermione, smiling politely, while Salazini glared at her arm.

"Hello, I'm Pertulia Clebbony." She said, holding out her other hand.

"Hermione Granger." Hermione said, smiling, shaking it with her own. "I was just speaking with... Romear, is it?, about the Codes."

"Ah, one of his favorite topics." Pertulia said, smiling at him. "I'm afraid we must be going, though. Once it gets too late, we'll have quite a bit of difficulty getting him home."

"Of course." Hermione said politely. Romear just grumbled.

"Another time, Miss. Granger?" Pertulia said, shifting through the pockets of her robes. She pulled out a small slip of parchment, and handed it to Hermione. "My owling address. I'm a vampire historian, if you will, and I would love to answer all of your questions."

"Really? That would be fantastic, thank you!" Hermione smiled, taking the paper and pocketing it.

"Anytime." Said Pertulia, as she dragged Salazini towards the exit.

Hermione smiled to herself again, and walked over to the refreshment table to grab another glass of punch.

"Where did Harry and Ron go?" she mumbled to herself, looking around the room. She spotted Harry, over near the band, talking with Ginny. They were standing rather close, for friends, and she could see pink spots appear on Ginny's cheeks as she giggled at something he said..

Hermione scoffed.

Friends, indeed. Like she was going to mess with that conversation.

Ron seemed to be...er, talking with one of the women from the Irish team over in a corner behind the Christmas tree.

Hermione sighed.

"Oh, Ron. Do I have to rescue you Every year?"

She squinted towards the corner again. It did not look as if he wanted to be saved. Fine. See if she cared. Hermione picked up another glass of punch.

"I don't know what is in this stuff, but it tastes _good_."She said to herself, gulping it all down. Hermione turned towards the table, and replaced her empty glass with a full one. She raised it to her lips, smelling it a little before drinking. So strange, it smelt slightly of-

"Having fun, Granger?"

Hermione whipped around and glared.

"I don't think it is any of your business, Malfoy."

"No, I suppose it isn't." Draco Malfoy said, smirking.

He picked up his own glass, and looked back at her.

"You seem to be hanging around here often, Granger." Malfoy said, indicating to the refreshment table. "Has the _Golden Trio_ broken up already?"

"You wish, Malfoy." Hermione said, taking a drink from her glass. "Lurked in any good corners lately?"

"If you mean spoke with the CEO of Gringotts, danced with the Editor and Chief of Witch Weekly and got an extension on the essay from Professor Snape, then yes."

"Ha. Ha."

"Like you talked to anyone of importance this evening, Granger." He said, sneering. "Besides me, of course."

"Besides Pertula Clebbony, the vampire historian and her escort, Romear Salazini..." Hermione said, pretending to think. "No other being of importance has spoken with me...yet."

"Salazini...the vampire." Malfoy said.

Hermione looked at him strangely.

"Yes."

"I saw him speak with you." Malfoy said, smirking again. "You might have had a chance with that one, he didn't seem to care how dirty your blood is."

Hermione glared at him.

"Watching me from your corner, then?"

Malfoy glared back, sneering.

"Never."

Hermione lifted her glass and downed its contents.

Malfoy watched her with an odd expression before drinking the contents of his own glass.

Hermione turned to put her empty glass on the table. She swayed lightly and grasped yet another glass before turning back towards Malfoy. She was furious to find that he was watching her with a slightly amused expression.

"What is it, Ferret boy?" Hermione said.

"Nothing." Malfoy said, drinking from another glass of punch. "Nothing at all, Granger."

Hermione snorted.

"Yeah, okay."

She turned towards the table again, looking at basket alongside the many, many glasses of Hogwarts punch. It was entirely circular with little jingle bells hanging from the side. Inside was several brightly wrapped Christmas crackers. Hermione reached forward, and grabbed a bright red one in her hand. She held it up towards her face, and looked at Malfoy.

"Open it." Hermione said.

Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

"No. Way."

Hermione took a swig from her punch glass and grinned.

"That's not the right answer, Mr. Malfoy."

With that, Hermione threw the cracker at Malfoy. Purely by instinct, and years of Seeker training, he reached out a hand and grabbed it. The Christmas cracker exploded in his hand, and in a flash of light, Malfoy disappeared. In his place, stood someone dressed in a Santa Claus costume.

Hermione tilted her head backwards and laughed. Malfoy, or Santa, was not amused anymore. With a shocked expression, he looked down at his feet and put a hand on his face to feel the snowy white beard that now was on his face. He stumbled away from the table and his punch glass hit the floor as he lifted his other hand to attempt to take off the 'ridiculous' red hat that now was perched on top of his head. It did not budge. He pulled at the beard, as if to rip it off his face. It did not come off. It did hurt, though.

"Ow!" Malfoy screeched. He glared at Hermione who was watching him, trying extremely hard not to laugh and failing.

"Who's laughing now?" Hermione said, giggling.

Malfoy suddenly smirked, as he grasped a bright blue cracker behind him.

"Me."

He chucked the cracker at Hermione, who, for a split second, looked surprised. The cracker exploded when it hit her, and the bright light enveloped her. A second later, a Ballerina stood in her place. Her hair had been piled onto the top of her head, a tiara holding it in place. She was sporting a light blue tutu and point shoes. A necklace made of flowers was tied around her neck.

She looked at her feet in horror and put her hand down on the skirt to feel the material. She too, dropped her punch glass and felt the top of her head.

She looked at Malfoy, who was watching her with that odd expression again.

Hermione stumbling forward, swaying again, and pointed her finger at him.

"You..." She said, looking up at his face. "You are going to pay."

At that moment, Ernie McMillan wobbled over and grabbed a punch glass. He looked at them and giggled.

"Ballerina and Santa are under the mistletoe!."

Hermione looked up, startled.

There, above their heads, was a sprig of mistletoe. She looked at Malfoy, surprised. He was watching her with that odd expression again.

"Go on, Santa." Ernie said, swishing his glass. "You can't keep her waiting!"

All of a sudden, Malfoy gripped her arms, leaned down and kissed her.

Hermione felt herself melt, and found that she couldn't think clearly.

She could not think at all.

He broke away, and for what seemed to be a second, she saw that his eyes were not as cold as they usually are.

Malfoy looked...human.

Her eyes widened.

Could it be that-?

Malfoy let go of her arms, causing her to stumble backwards. He looked at her with his own wide-eyed expression, and swept away, very Snape-like.

Well, that was...Interesting, Hermione thought.

Interesting?

INTERESTING??

That was DISGUSTING!!

Wasn't it?

She didn't think so.

Hermione groaned.

Ernie looked at her inquisitively.

"What's the matter, Ballerina?" He said. "You don't like Santa?"

"No! I Hate Santa!" Hermione said. "I..."

She paused.

"You know what, Ernie?" She said, smiling a little.

Ernie looked startled.

"You know my name, Ballerina?"

"Yeah." Hermione said, still smiling. "Maybe I don't _hate_ Santa after all."


End file.
